The Tearing of angels
-remember hearing a footstep. A steel step. My
dreams had had a strange， prescient quality all
night. When my brother Richard died in the flames，
1 bolted upright in bed， terrified， l was wrung through
with sweat， and felt the room swirl about me. I held on
to the bed， and slowly the room stabilized. The pink
rosebud wall paper， lacy curtains， and the faces of my
dolls slowed their rotation and stopped. I gazed up at
the innumerable framed pictures of David and the dog，
my family， and the photos of animals which covered my
bedroom walls. 1 felt a peculiar expansibn of my mind，
as if it had been magicalb， multiplied， but that the
beings who had entered me were keeping the doors into
their thoughts closed tight， as if they were afraid of me.
My clock read 4:38 - 1 checked the date， March 29，
1968. I knew this was important.
here l had been lying was soaked through
with sweat， so I got up from the bed. My
acetate night dress was clinging to me， silver
cloth shiny in the moonlight. The white ribbons on the
bodice were sagging like faded flowers. I stood by the
window， breathing in the cold air. The bungalows of
our subdivision were dark， the stars fading as the sky
pinked with the dawn over Winnipeg. The rows of
houses， each with it s obligatory tree， showed snow-
banks sculpted at each side of the shoveled driveways.
David was still asleep， so 1 went for a shower. The hot
spray revived me somewhat， as did the fragrance of my
favorite soap \"floral bouquet\".
1 spent the rest of that night in the kitchen with
all the lights turned on， pacifying the waves of fear
with the mindless consumption of food. 1 was starv-
ing. I started eating normally enough， preparing
myself some cereal and fruit， putting a muffin in the
stove to warm. Then the steel boot kicked me again，
and my eating became more frenzied， as if this physi-
cal activity would maintain my sanity. I ate everything
in the frldge; jam straight from the jar， salad dress-
ings by the spoonful . . . and then I began on the
cupboards， consuming crackers and stale cook-
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