MOTHER LOVE I have always lied to my mother. And she to me. How young was I when I learned her language, to call things by other names? Five, four--younger? Her denial of whatever she could not tell me, that her mother could not tell her, and about which society enjoined us both to keep silent, distorts our relationship still. Sometimes I try to imagine a little scene that could have helped us both. In her kind, warm, shy, and self-deprecating way, mother calls me into the bedroom where she sleeps alone. She is no more than twenty-five. I am perhaps six. Putting her hands (which her father told her always to keep hidden because they were \"large i and unattractive\") on my shoulders, she looks me right through ! i my steel-rimmed spectacles: \"Nancy, you know I m not really good at this mothering business,\" she says. \"You re a lovely child, the fault is not with you. But motherhood doesn t come easily to me. So when I don t seem like other people s mothers, try to understand that it isn t because I don t love you. I do. But I m confused myself. There are some things I know about. 1 11 teach them to you. The other stuff--sex and all that--well, I just can t discuss them with you because I m not sure where they fit into my own life. We ll try to find other people, other women who can
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