| You did die. We talked so often of your dying, and youwere determined not to, not just yet. But you did die. Nearlyfour months ago, and I still cannot believe it. Most peopledo not want to talk about death and mourning. I want totalk of it all the time because you are the person who I haveloved the most, and you have died. I know all about theouter world of social responsibility, so no one can accuse meof continuing to grieve for you. You did not wish to leaveyour wife and your daughter and your brother, and some ofyour colleagues and friends. You did not wish to leave meeither, and I do not know how to live without you. Youknew it would be so. You had not intended to take a proper holiday this year, but in August you were forced to rest. It was the end of a London summer which had been filled with fatigue and worries and too much work. You would have cbntinued, but you could not. You went with your wife to your house in the west country. I know it only from your descriptions. It is a small house; you said like a hut. It stands above the sea and the cliffs on a hill where scrub-oaks grow. The country is wild. You planted shrubs round the house and on the hill. You took flowering currant and buddleia from the gardener at the hospital and planted them in the spring. The bracken always annoyed you. It grew so fast in the summer and smothered your plants while you were away. That was how you found it when you arrived. You had arranged for it to be kept, but people are not always reliable. You started to work, cutting the bracken on the hill. You worked and worked, and refused to leave some for another day. It was at the end of August, and you came upon a wasp's nest. I was told that as you started away from it up the hill, your9 |
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